Free time?!
Everything wasn't suppose to be happened like this. The bigger the expectation we have, the more the unexpected will happen. This seems to be an universial truth. About 2 weeks ago, as I was mentally and perhaps physically challenged by my never ending work load with my current job, a posting on the internet had ended the chance for my company to get the project which I was working on. On the surface, it was like a sinking feeling, as if all the hardwork done so far have been gone to the drain. Yet, from my bottom of my heart, I was actually "happy" and counting myself as "lucky" because of the outcome. The heavy workload and pressure had been taken quite a toll on my body and I struggled all along since I started my new job. The failure of getting the project means that instantly I can become a lot more free time again, I can utilise the time to rest, may be get back to some I want to do, to see people I want to see.
Yet, am I also enjoying more free time? Hard to say sometime I guess, may be it was due to the fact that I want to (and tried to) connect back to ppl which I want to see and hear from. However, none of that seems to be very successful, or the connection last much shorter, or less rewarding than I expected. I guess I have too much expectation to myself, and perhaps others too. You always thought you can enjoy others' companies while they would enjoy yours too. Yet, this is only my interpretation of it, and most of the time, as J said, it was quite the opposite.
To this end, I can only have myself to blame. Lack of communication skill perhaps, may be I was just an very uninteresting persons, always about movie/music, nothing else much really. I still remember having lunch with one friend, and she almost tried to stop me talking about this topic, by saying she is not as interested in those topic as me. Then, I felt like I am struggle to find anymore conversation. It also becomes clear that this struggling was all along in my life so far. It is a hurdle I cannot seem to get past.
Yet, am I also enjoying more free time? Hard to say sometime I guess, may be it was due to the fact that I want to (and tried to) connect back to ppl which I want to see and hear from. However, none of that seems to be very successful, or the connection last much shorter, or less rewarding than I expected. I guess I have too much expectation to myself, and perhaps others too. You always thought you can enjoy others' companies while they would enjoy yours too. Yet, this is only my interpretation of it, and most of the time, as J said, it was quite the opposite.
To this end, I can only have myself to blame. Lack of communication skill perhaps, may be I was just an very uninteresting persons, always about movie/music, nothing else much really. I still remember having lunch with one friend, and she almost tried to stop me talking about this topic, by saying she is not as interested in those topic as me. Then, I felt like I am struggle to find anymore conversation. It also becomes clear that this struggling was all along in my life so far. It is a hurdle I cannot seem to get past.
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