清者的壓力
今晚確是很不高興.
不只是不高興,而且更有點難過.
不知道幾時開始忘記了想哭的感覺,
這個晚上卻突然殺我一個措手不及.
和女朋友吵嚷了一場.
為的是我一位很好的女性朋友的到訪.一年多沒見,我答應了她可以來我家小住幾天.(我可是和我姐一起住, 可是還有個empty room)
我還沒有和我的女朋友提到,她就在其他的email裡知道這事.
大發雷霆幾乎是她的minimum response.
Yes, I have to admit I didn't communicate properly and to this end, I take up all the blame if you want me to.
可是,
如果你問我為可沒有和女朋友談及此事?
你可能想我和這女性朋友是否另有一段感情.
我的答複是,
沒有, 除了很深的友情以外.
真的. 她是我的好友是因為我可以和談論很多心裡的話, 也有相同的hobby.
就跟我和你在這裡一樣.
一份很pure的友情.
我承認, 我確實很looking forward 她的到訪, 可以一起談天說地, 看看大家都有興趣的電影, 遠足一下.
我很想去保護這份友情. 但看來, 我又一次失手. 而且更是慘敗.
已經不是第一次,
和我的女朋友也一年多,其實已經很心淡. 我和她除了有點格格不入.
還有令我不安的, 是她有一種有形無形的壓迫感, 甚至是帶侵略性的感覺.
我每次和她在一起, 我都好像要protect自已的東西一樣.而每次結果都是我輸了, 時間,金錢,友情,空間..我向別的傾訴, 別的人卻只說我身在福中不知褔. (sorry the rest will be at English due to my frustration at my own poor chinese typing, or more correctly, character selecting!)
Indeed, my feeling towards her deeply hurted as time goes by simply because I have to lose so many of my own in order to satisfy her need, and became a "standard' boyfriend. Quite often, I am more afraid of her then wanting to see her.
The question I was frequently asked by her was, "have you ever considered my feeling"? She ask this question again today..
but sorry, I also want to ask the same question, when was the last time you considered my "true" feeling?"'
Going to play squash on a friday nite when all I want is to go out and have a good dinner with you.
Always arguing with me about time arrangement, when I arranged time to see you, all I was doing is wait, when I was busy, all I can do is to squeeze more time to satisfy your request, and sacrifice my own time and energy.
late for movie which makes me wait anxiously everytime and missed the first five min. every time...when I used to sit in the cinema well before it starts so I can mentally prepare myself for appreiciating a film.
In a couple of days time, it will be my birthday. I know I mentioned it before in here. I nontheless want this day to be past as just a normal weekend. Only to realize my female friend is in town and also another good friend of mine, who is returning from tibet recently, have started to organize a causal dinner gathering (none of them know that I am having my birthday that day and it is my intention not to make a big fuzz about this). Yet, because of things happened like that..I suddenly feel I am very nervous about this weekend.
It is my intention to join in this gathering and hope to be a happy one. But now, appart from being very nervous because of my girlfriend, I hope no hope at all with the dinner gathering. My girlfriend insist she has to have dinner with me alone. Yet, this is not something I am looking forward to.
I just hope my birthday can be delayed.
不只是不高興,而且更有點難過.
不知道幾時開始忘記了想哭的感覺,
這個晚上卻突然殺我一個措手不及.
和女朋友吵嚷了一場.
為的是我一位很好的女性朋友的到訪.一年多沒見,我答應了她可以來我家小住幾天.(我可是和我姐一起住, 可是還有個empty room)
我還沒有和我的女朋友提到,她就在其他的email裡知道這事.
大發雷霆幾乎是她的minimum response.
Yes, I have to admit I didn't communicate properly and to this end, I take up all the blame if you want me to.
可是,
如果你問我為可沒有和女朋友談及此事?
你可能想我和這女性朋友是否另有一段感情.
我的答複是,
沒有, 除了很深的友情以外.
真的. 她是我的好友是因為我可以和談論很多心裡的話, 也有相同的hobby.
就跟我和你在這裡一樣.
一份很pure的友情.
我承認, 我確實很looking forward 她的到訪, 可以一起談天說地, 看看大家都有興趣的電影, 遠足一下.
我很想去保護這份友情. 但看來, 我又一次失手. 而且更是慘敗.
已經不是第一次,
和我的女朋友也一年多,其實已經很心淡. 我和她除了有點格格不入.
還有令我不安的, 是她有一種有形無形的壓迫感, 甚至是帶侵略性的感覺.
我每次和她在一起, 我都好像要protect自已的東西一樣.而每次結果都是我輸了, 時間,金錢,友情,空間..我向別的傾訴, 別的人卻只說我身在福中不知褔. (sorry the rest will be at English due to my frustration at my own poor chinese typing, or more correctly, character selecting!)
Indeed, my feeling towards her deeply hurted as time goes by simply because I have to lose so many of my own in order to satisfy her need, and became a "standard' boyfriend. Quite often, I am more afraid of her then wanting to see her.
The question I was frequently asked by her was, "have you ever considered my feeling"? She ask this question again today..
but sorry, I also want to ask the same question, when was the last time you considered my "true" feeling?"'
Going to play squash on a friday nite when all I want is to go out and have a good dinner with you.
Always arguing with me about time arrangement, when I arranged time to see you, all I was doing is wait, when I was busy, all I can do is to squeeze more time to satisfy your request, and sacrifice my own time and energy.
late for movie which makes me wait anxiously everytime and missed the first five min. every time...when I used to sit in the cinema well before it starts so I can mentally prepare myself for appreiciating a film.
In a couple of days time, it will be my birthday. I know I mentioned it before in here. I nontheless want this day to be past as just a normal weekend. Only to realize my female friend is in town and also another good friend of mine, who is returning from tibet recently, have started to organize a causal dinner gathering (none of them know that I am having my birthday that day and it is my intention not to make a big fuzz about this). Yet, because of things happened like that..I suddenly feel I am very nervous about this weekend.
It is my intention to join in this gathering and hope to be a happy one. But now, appart from being very nervous because of my girlfriend, I hope no hope at all with the dinner gathering. My girlfriend insist she has to have dinner with me alone. Yet, this is not something I am looking forward to.
I just hope my birthday can be delayed.
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