The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Try to resist myself before to see this film, despite what I have heard from the good praise of it. I was afraid the topic was too similar to another very good film, the sea inside. I thought it was heavy, almost too heavy for me as I need to go through all these tramatic experience of paralyzing on screen again. I am sure too, the actors' performance will be as great as in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, as in the sea inside.

I finally make up my mind to go into the cinema to see it today. It was different from the sea inside. It gives a totally different feeling. The thing I interested the most is the first person's camera shot. It is, as if I was the main character, not able to talk, eat, move. My only way of communication is to talk to myself and blinking my eye. The film portarys that moment in a very unique way, where, despite all the difficulties, it was never a moment, that it was grim and hopeless. I was deeply touched by the scene where the protangist said, apart from his eye, there are still two things that function well, his imagination and his memory. Then it was image after image of beautiful landscapes, as if he is more free then trapped. The metaphor of being "locked-in" is an interesting one too. I can already reflect back to my own problem, I guess both my physical/health and my work had been locked me in too, in this very real world. I don't need to be sitting in a wheel chair to feel that. My memory is certainly not dead and may be the only thing functioned now, as I am too busy and tied up with daily business, which is none of mine, to imagination anything. I was in this bookshop which next to cinema. A sudden feeling comes up and said "if I love this place so much, why I am not doing anything related to that now? Why am I working so hard on something which I don't have any feeling/desire to?" It was all driven by "cold" money I suppose but I may be simply too afraid to lose it, even it is not much.

How much longer can I push myself to do this, before I don't have a chance to go back to something I like to do? Hopefully, before I am on a wheel chair, before I am being truely "locked-in". As the protangist said, I shouldn't be self-pitying (yet, I can't help agree about things that he said, the life of mine/him, seems to be a series of missed chances. You thought u could love the women that you love but you can't/didn't. You thought u can jump on to things that you want to do but your lack of courage had put you back. Your fear to reality and conforming it had worn you out..perhaps enough to prolong your life but not enough to make it a satifisfactory one.

oh..I am talking about myself...