2 or 3 things..lately
It's been a while since I wrote here. Constant travelling, or rather, returning to my home in Australia, seems to be the only reason for me not to do any update. Yes, it was supposed to be a break which I longed for. After all, almost over a year since I had my last long break from work. Exhausted from my rountine life in HK, I was much looking forward to this break.
Jump onto the plane, with my work suit still on and my laptop still hot, I began my journey "home". The feeling..it was anything but relax. My body was actually feeling terrible most of the time in Melbourne and I began to feel as if I am in need to go for hospital. My mind was not at a relax state as I could tell. I remember when I was there last time, more than a year ago, a different feeling preveal. Maybe it is my health really doing worse than before, or maybe it is because the purpose of this trip was more than a relaxing holiday. It was about tidying up my belongings, for the preparation of moving out of this very house which I spent most of my recent years in, date back all the way to my uni days.
The sinking feeling of finally leaving this place was too heavy to be describe by words, despite not living here more than 2 yrs now. Yet, the lingering feeling toward my room, my home was never faded away. Every time when I stepped into it, so much memories had flow back. Indeed, my most memomorable moments of my life had been something to do with this place. It was at the time, when I still have "feeling" towards the things or ppl which I loved. The film festival posters, big or small, the little postcards/small gifts/artifacts from you and her, the different catelogue and magazines which I collected over the years. The vast amount of CDs and DVDs which I had problems for sorting out which one is which. It is not the fact that I love the objects itself, but the story and past memory behind each of them.
It's almost a struggle to put as much as those "memories" in my packing boxes while leaving others behind. The exercise becomes a critial decision of which part of my memories is to remained, and which part is to be let go and be forgotten. Maybe beacuse of all these memories, which makes my life more difficult to go by. This remind me all of a sudden WKW's film, Ashes of time. There was a bottle of wine which if you drink it, you will forget the past. I suppose I need that bottle of wine, more or less..in order to kill off my sentimental feeling towards my past.
Of course, such a bottle of wine probably won't ever exist in the real world, so maybe this is the reason I start drinking more red wine now, apart from the fact it makes me more easily to fall asleep.
The last two times when I was back to my room, I kept taking photos of it, the furnitures, my bed, the view looking out from the windows, the way I arranged my CDs and small gifts from others. Dunno why, it seems like I would not have a second chance to look at those things again.
The box had arrived to HK now. Will the feeling and attachment of those objects changed now?
****
Meeting up with a couple of friends in Melbourne, the feeling was surprisingly good. Not because those friends are particular close to me, but the fact that I could actually catch up with them without much effort. That's confirmed my theory that it is easier to meet up with someone you know if you only stay there for a short period of time. When you stationed in one place, you will start losing contact with one another because you always think you will get a chance to see each other. In fact, no one actually makes any effort to so and try hard to be busy.
****
Internet, my life had become so depended on it that I feel uncomfortable, if not totally useless without it. Searching, reading, downloading, contacting, ordering, seeing, booking, communicating...all of them were almost freezed during my stay in Melbourne, as I did not have easy access of it. Email seems to be a precious thing which I had to keep updating because nothing much actually happened.
Maybe it is my desire to be in touch with persons I want to get in touch with..had growth irriratingly level.
It is this desire, and the deemed disappointment which I am sufferring continuouly...the internet had only served as a mean of empty hope.
****
Relax, the only real reason to have this holiday, so my body and soul could rest. Yet, it was not until the last day, or the last evening I spent in St Kilda beach, which I could truely do that..
Jump onto the plane, with my work suit still on and my laptop still hot, I began my journey "home". The feeling..it was anything but relax. My body was actually feeling terrible most of the time in Melbourne and I began to feel as if I am in need to go for hospital. My mind was not at a relax state as I could tell. I remember when I was there last time, more than a year ago, a different feeling preveal. Maybe it is my health really doing worse than before, or maybe it is because the purpose of this trip was more than a relaxing holiday. It was about tidying up my belongings, for the preparation of moving out of this very house which I spent most of my recent years in, date back all the way to my uni days.
The sinking feeling of finally leaving this place was too heavy to be describe by words, despite not living here more than 2 yrs now. Yet, the lingering feeling toward my room, my home was never faded away. Every time when I stepped into it, so much memories had flow back. Indeed, my most memomorable moments of my life had been something to do with this place. It was at the time, when I still have "feeling" towards the things or ppl which I loved. The film festival posters, big or small, the little postcards/small gifts/artifacts from you and her, the different catelogue and magazines which I collected over the years. The vast amount of CDs and DVDs which I had problems for sorting out which one is which. It is not the fact that I love the objects itself, but the story and past memory behind each of them.
It's almost a struggle to put as much as those "memories" in my packing boxes while leaving others behind. The exercise becomes a critial decision of which part of my memories is to remained, and which part is to be let go and be forgotten. Maybe beacuse of all these memories, which makes my life more difficult to go by. This remind me all of a sudden WKW's film, Ashes of time. There was a bottle of wine which if you drink it, you will forget the past. I suppose I need that bottle of wine, more or less..in order to kill off my sentimental feeling towards my past.
Of course, such a bottle of wine probably won't ever exist in the real world, so maybe this is the reason I start drinking more red wine now, apart from the fact it makes me more easily to fall asleep.
The last two times when I was back to my room, I kept taking photos of it, the furnitures, my bed, the view looking out from the windows, the way I arranged my CDs and small gifts from others. Dunno why, it seems like I would not have a second chance to look at those things again.
The box had arrived to HK now. Will the feeling and attachment of those objects changed now?
****
Meeting up with a couple of friends in Melbourne, the feeling was surprisingly good. Not because those friends are particular close to me, but the fact that I could actually catch up with them without much effort. That's confirmed my theory that it is easier to meet up with someone you know if you only stay there for a short period of time. When you stationed in one place, you will start losing contact with one another because you always think you will get a chance to see each other. In fact, no one actually makes any effort to so and try hard to be busy.
****
Internet, my life had become so depended on it that I feel uncomfortable, if not totally useless without it. Searching, reading, downloading, contacting, ordering, seeing, booking, communicating...all of them were almost freezed during my stay in Melbourne, as I did not have easy access of it. Email seems to be a precious thing which I had to keep updating because nothing much actually happened.
Maybe it is my desire to be in touch with persons I want to get in touch with..had growth irriratingly level.
It is this desire, and the deemed disappointment which I am sufferring continuouly...the internet had only served as a mean of empty hope.
****
Relax, the only real reason to have this holiday, so my body and soul could rest. Yet, it was not until the last day, or the last evening I spent in St Kilda beach, which I could truely do that..
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