Respite at last

It was a long awaited break. Something which I need to do so badly yet being delayed by so much. My mind and body falling apart as I continue my way of living, tried to pretend it is okay, tried to say to myself that nothing wrong even though everything went somehow wrong.

Blame it bad habits, blame in on the total collapse of the way-overheated economy, blame it on my own lack of motivations to progress. It was difficult and often too tired to have anything done with my living and my work. Once again, I am trying to break through from this border, and once again I know I would fail miserably, at least for now. Things never work out instantly for me, I need to be patient, but not too patient. It was almost impossible to find the right balance. There was no time to think things over, everything, whether you like it or not, will move/change without your agreement. You try very hard to hang on to "it" but "it" left without being noticed. They can be relationships, friendships, love or any other tangible items.

This is the break that I need, if not very badly.

To pause;
to calm;
to think;
to stop;
to be in-between;
to listen;
to watch;
to be silent;
to not to be involved.

Others said they are envy of my living, while some others think I am lucky to be in this position, what is wrong with them? They never see how much I suffer from all these. I want to grasp to where I was but the distance between that is growing ever more and I can only keep free-falling.

I can only cope for so much and the limit is within reach, if not already overstress.

More respite is needed.