Restart
Desertion
My blog had been deserted by me for quite a few months. In fact, more than two months since I have my last entry. The few months had been gone like a wash, with everything happened so quickly, and so effortlessly, that it gives almost no impact towards my mind and thoughts. Today is a rare occasion where the extreme weather of tropical storm had brought me and everyone else a extra day of holiday, which I needed badly at any one time.
Lessons
My health was not very good these days and it sort of worries me. Perhaps that might be the reasons for not able to think too much apart daily matters, trivial matters. And I guess, most of the time, they are really just self-made troubles and I was never able to learn the lesson.
Disconnection
It also has been a year since I ended my last relationship, which kind of mark by my birthday too, since me and her broke up on that day. Regrets? Umm, not sure if that is the right word to describe it. Looking back, perhaps disappointment would be a better fit to my feeling. A year on, any relationship chance have been reduced because of my ill-heath, and my unwillingness to chase or to pursue of any kind of meaningful relationship. I began to move away from the needs of companions although loneliness, as always, creeping in every now and then. Yet, I found myself less complains and judgement to a lot of things, which I previously had strong opinions in. I suppose that may be due to my growth up process, or simply just too tired to assess any of them.
More and more had I try to do a lot of things by myself, without contacting ppl. People which I know, most of them long time friend. My phone and email rarely receive msg/call nowadays, and in the same way, I have so get used to with solitude it becomes "weird" to actually make any move to contact people. Failure to reach out to people which I want to talk to in the past certainly play a part. But it becomes an internal struggle, if not a small competition, that I should not be the first one to make any move.
Self-entertainment
The space of solitude was also kind of being filled up by other things, most notably my work (which actually become increasingly frustrated) and perhaps pursuit of materialistic thing. Internet, music, CD, DVD, film, a new gadget from a certain company name after a fruit. My laptop become my connection to the world and to myself, and almost a constant one. And the more I possess, the less I actually watch/listen to them. It likes owning it become the only reason why I interested in buying it.
Is it an obsession? maybe.
When does it stop, or even slowed down? I would have no idea, and I don't seem to care any more...
My blog had been deserted by me for quite a few months. In fact, more than two months since I have my last entry. The few months had been gone like a wash, with everything happened so quickly, and so effortlessly, that it gives almost no impact towards my mind and thoughts. Today is a rare occasion where the extreme weather of tropical storm had brought me and everyone else a extra day of holiday, which I needed badly at any one time.
Lessons
My health was not very good these days and it sort of worries me. Perhaps that might be the reasons for not able to think too much apart daily matters, trivial matters. And I guess, most of the time, they are really just self-made troubles and I was never able to learn the lesson.
Disconnection
It also has been a year since I ended my last relationship, which kind of mark by my birthday too, since me and her broke up on that day. Regrets? Umm, not sure if that is the right word to describe it. Looking back, perhaps disappointment would be a better fit to my feeling. A year on, any relationship chance have been reduced because of my ill-heath, and my unwillingness to chase or to pursue of any kind of meaningful relationship. I began to move away from the needs of companions although loneliness, as always, creeping in every now and then. Yet, I found myself less complains and judgement to a lot of things, which I previously had strong opinions in. I suppose that may be due to my growth up process, or simply just too tired to assess any of them.
More and more had I try to do a lot of things by myself, without contacting ppl. People which I know, most of them long time friend. My phone and email rarely receive msg/call nowadays, and in the same way, I have so get used to with solitude it becomes "weird" to actually make any move to contact people. Failure to reach out to people which I want to talk to in the past certainly play a part. But it becomes an internal struggle, if not a small competition, that I should not be the first one to make any move.
Self-entertainment
The space of solitude was also kind of being filled up by other things, most notably my work (which actually become increasingly frustrated) and perhaps pursuit of materialistic thing. Internet, music, CD, DVD, film, a new gadget from a certain company name after a fruit. My laptop become my connection to the world and to myself, and almost a constant one. And the more I possess, the less I actually watch/listen to them. It likes owning it become the only reason why I interested in buying it.
Is it an obsession? maybe.
When does it stop, or even slowed down? I would have no idea, and I don't seem to care any more...
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